After an early miscarriage in February we were surprised and excited to find out in July that we were expecting again. Sadly, when I reached my 16th week of pregnancy my waters broke at home and I delivered my baby in hospital the next day. We still don't know why this happened or what caused me to go in to labour so early.
This is the saddest thing that I have ever experienced and I don't know what the future holds for me and my little family, but I know that we will be ok.
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Hi, you asked for people to get in touch with their stories. So me and my partner had been trying for a baby for a little while, and there was lots of wait as I went and got a little depression didn’t I! After being told to wait for what felt like forever we went ahead and tried! Got pregnant and were over the moon. At 10 weeks I started spotting, thought no bother, I’ll ring midwife Monday. They sent me in for an urgent scan. This didn’t feel ok, but I thought I’ll get some nice pics and a sneaky peak early!! Went in by myself with my mask on, I am profoundly deaf too so I couldn’t hear diddly squat with everyone else wearing masks. They said they couldn’t find a heart beat but maybe if I went to the loo they would do any internal scan. They didn’t say anything reassuring or tell me I had lost my babies. They told me it was twins and I got my dates wrong. But I knew I didn’t. The midwife took me to another room and said come back in few days for some blood tests. I said I didn’t want to and I wasn’t going to. She said I had to, I went home and cried and cried. She rang me up, lovely women, and said you have to come back for a scan in a week. No one had still told me by that point if I had lost them. I said is it for good news and hope or not? She said no. So a week went by of carrying round my rainbow babies that weren't beating anymore. I didn’t quite make it a week. Couldn’t get off the loo, and had to argue with the hospital to let me come in. I went in and was not greeted by the friendliest of staff, not the story though. I got told I needed an emergency operation and that I had molar pregnancy. Someone has told me this though right....? No. No they hadn’t. Ok so quick whistle tour it’s when your babies can’t grow because you have tumours. Had the operation. And went about my life attempting to get out of bed every day thinking I had a cancerous disease and had lost my babies. Rang up to check on results every week. Eventually Western park got the results 6 weeks later, I rang up to chase up when I would be coming to them for potential chemotherapy. To be told you don’t have molar pregnancy you had a miscarriage. A complaint and investigation later, I had a multiple pregnancy. When I was crying my eyes out lying on my back I didn’t want to see my babies, I couldn’t. I didn’t want the photo after. But what I did see when I was accidentally shown a photo, was about 5-6 sacks. I was pregnant with 5-6 pregnancies. I can’t get my head around this, so in my heart I find peace with my original news that I lost twins, as the alternative is too much to bare. 5 months on and I still cry often and feel I will never be the same. I joined some Facebook groups which were a blessing and a stress at the same time. The best thing I found to help was people who I knew shared their personal stories with me, when it first happened I just searched and searched and searched the internet. As I was the only one right...!? The only person who has even gone through this. And finding messages and stories from loved ones and strangers helped, so much. I walked 250,000 steps in January and I raised over £1800 for miscarriage association. I felt it was incredibly hard on my partner, he was so left out of everything. Couldn’t come to the scan, couldn’t come with me when I was bleeding heavily, nor when I had my operation. Just a spare part.
I’d never really heard of a ‘missed miscarriage’ until it happened to me. We’d been trying for a second baby for a year, I’d had blood tests to check that I was ovulating and everything came back ok. When I found out I was pregnant I was in shock and so happy. With every week that passed I felt more and more excited and couldn’t wait to share our news with friends and family. I got to week 11 and noticed I had a tiny bit of brown spotting but it was such a tiny amount I didn’t think much of it. I googled just to check it was ok and everything I found online told me that spotting in early pregnancy is usually normal. But then the next day I had a tiny amount again. It was such a small amount I could easily have ignored it, I had no pain, no fresh red blood like what I expected a miscarriage to be like. I rang the hospital and the midwives weren’t concerned, but because I was just a few days away from my 12 week scan they said they’d get me in early for it and I could come the next day. I had to attend alone due to Covid restrictions but I wasn’t too worried, I was sure I was just going to walk out of the appointment with a scan photo and some reassurance. I should have known it was bad news when the nurse tried to scan me and then told me she would have to do an internal scan. I should have known it was bad news that she had a colleague in the room with her too. I couldn’t read the expressions on their faces because of the surgical masks. All I heard was ‘I’m so sorry’, I didn’t hear what she said next. I was numb, in shock, unable to process what I was being told without my husband by my side to hear it with me. They showed me the screen so I could try and process it, but I had no idea what I was looking at. Just an area of blood around the pregnancy sac, and no beating heart. They made an appointment for me to return in one week’s time to see if the miscarriage happened naturally and depending on ‘what Boris says later’ my husband might be able to attend that appointment. I got dressed, on shaky legs, and asked if it was definitely bad news, I was just in shock. The nurse was sympathetic and she confirmed it was. I left the room, my legs shaking, walked down the many flights of stairs and phoned my husband. I didn’t cry straight away, I was in disbelief. I found it best to send a text to everyone who knew I was pregnant, to write down exactly what had happened. Somehow that helped me to process it, and also I was terrified of someone asking how I was or how the pregnancy was going. I needed them to all know right away. The miscarriage happened naturally a few days later. I wasn’t prepared for the amount of pain. I’d spent so much time googling what it would be like, but it was an experience I’ll never forget. My follow up appointment went as smoothly as it could, my husband was allowed to attend, and they scanned me again to check it had all happened naturally and there was nothing left behind. I was pleased that my body had done what it needed to and I didn’t need to face further intervention. It felt like a relief, like I could close the chapter (physically). The thing that helped me the most with the weeks of emotional grief I felt afterwards, was hearing other women’s stories. I spent hours searching the internet for other people who’d been through this. Every celebrity I could find who’d ever posted on Instagram I had to find and read their story. Somehow other people’s stories help, it feels like you’re not alone. The other thing I found that helped was to request my medical notes from my appointments. The letters didn’t have too much detail, but seeing it all written down helped me to process what had happened.